Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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