they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
