My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
