I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
