The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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