The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
