I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize