she woke up with a sticky ear
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
