My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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