the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
