he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
