I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
