Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
