I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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