College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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