I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she pinky promised me she was 18
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
