dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
