I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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