if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
