he puts the penis in happiness.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
