The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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