I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
