im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
