I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
