I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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