Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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