Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
