If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
