Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
