I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
We named our party play list daddy issues
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize