she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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