when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
