He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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