so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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