I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
