I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
