he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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