There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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