Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
