Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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