Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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