I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
