Ambien. No doubt about it.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
