whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
