this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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