So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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