Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
