Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
