i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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