Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
