sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
