omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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