just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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