he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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