I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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