she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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