how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
