Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
