There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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