We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So much rum. So many feels.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
