All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Randomize
