We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
