So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
