he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
