So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
