I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
